One of the most important things I’m learning right now is that anger does not have to be obeyed.

That sounds simple, but for me it has been huge.

There have been many times in my life when somebody said something that angered me, accused me of something, misunderstood me, disrespected me, or just said something completely stupid, and I felt like I had to respond to it. I had to answer it. I had to correct it. I had to defend myself. And even after the moment was over, I would still carry it with me in my head.

That kind of thing can wear a man down.

What I’m learning in my sessions with Omar is how to make a shift in those moments. Not to pretend I’m not angry. Not to suppress it. Not to become cold. But to recognize the anger and refuse to let it control what I do next.

I can be angry without obeying my anger.

That sentence has become extremely important to me.

Somebody can say something unfair about me and I do not have to immediately answer from that place of emotion. Somebody can misunderstand my intentions and I do not have to spend hours trying to fix what they think about me. Somebody can reject me, criticize me, or make an accusation, and I can still decide that I am not going to carry that person around in my heart for the rest of the day.

I can deal with whatever actually needs to be dealt with and then move on.

That is where indifference has become such a powerful tool for me.

When I say indifference, I don’t mean that people don’t matter. I don’t mean that right and wrong don’t matter. And I definitely don’t mean that you should allow people to walk all over you.

I mean that not everything deserves access to your peace.

Not every opinion needs an answer.

Not every accusation needs a defense.

Not every stupid comment deserves a place in your mind.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is recognize what happened, make whatever decision needs to be made, and continue with your mission and with the people who are actually walking beside you.

For much of my life, I have struggled with the battle that happens internally after something angers me. The thoughts. The arguments in my head. The things I wish I had said. The things I want to say next. Replaying the situation again and again.

And I am tired of living like that.

I am tired of giving people that much control over my emotional state.

The freedom I’m beginning to experience is realizing that another person can throw the match, but I do not have to provide the gasoline.

The anger can show up.

I can acknowledge it.

I can even understand why it is there.

But I do not have to serve it.

I do not have to let it decide my words, my actions, my mood, or the direction of my day.

For me, that is freedom.

And maybe this is the man I have been trying to become for a very long time: not a man who never gets angry, but a man whose anger does not own him.