Get Off the Muslim Matrimonial Sites

Whether it was out of pure curiosity or a genuine pursuit of a wife, most of us have been down this road. I know I have.

I was on them because I’m a convert and the options in my locality were slim to none. I ended up meeting my wife at a class at Safina Society, and I’ll tell you right now, you are never going to truly know what you’re getting into until it’s in person.

I have nightmares from my time on those sites that I’ll spare you, but I’ll say this much. It’s mostly a flesh fest. I remember Muslim women, practicing Muslim women on Muslim matrimonial sites, who actually thanked me for not sending them a shirtless photo or worse. They thanked me for being decent. Let that sink in. This is happening on Muslim matrimonial sites. You just can’t get around it.

Nothing replaces real interaction in front of another person. But when you do get there, there are some things you need to look out for.

First thing I do is go straight to her social media and look at how she is presenting herself to the world. If her TikTok, Instagram, whatever platform, is nothing but videos and pictures of herself, lip syncing songs, staring into the camera, that is a woman who is in love with herself. She will always put herself first and you last. Move on.

This next one is going to sting a little if any ladies are reading this from outside the Stronghold, but I’m saying it anyway. If a woman has been cheated on before, do not pursue her. Do not continue with her. Nine times out of ten she is not over it. She still carries that hurt and that distrust, but here is the problem. All of that pain came from another man. If you marry her, you are going to pay for his sins. Trust me on that.

Here is another one that is going to sting. If you walk in to meet her family and there are no men in that house, no father, no grandfather, no uncle, nothing but women, do not walk out of that house. Run. Chances are her mother, her aunties, her older sisters have a history of not being able to keep men around, and that is what she was raised in. A house full of bitter, men hating women. That does not disappear when she marries you. Run.

The 50 50 thing. If you are a man who wants to split everything down the middle with your wife, that arrangement has an expiration date. It works for a year or two until she stops seeing you as her protector and provider. After that she will despise you for it and hold it against you. It creates a power struggle in the house every single time. I have heard that story from too many divorced men and women to count. Don’t start there.

Here is one of my personal moves. Politely excuse yourself to use the restroom and look at the bathroom. I know it sounds strange but it works. A person who keeps their bathroom clean and tidy at all times is genuinely a tidy person in their everyday life. It tells you something real about who she is when nobody is watching.

Schedule your meeting just before a prayer time. You’re sitting there, having tea, talking, and ten or fifteen minutes go by without her mentioning that salah is coming in. That is a big one for me. Now she might be waiting for you to bring it up, so make sure you pay attention and do not let the prayer time slip by without addressing it.

Does she interrupt you when you are speaking? That is a woman who believes what she has to say is more important than what you have to say. Watch for it.

When the tea comes out, does she place it in front of you or hand it to you? Small thing. Tells you a lot.

Look, these are personal things I have done and observed. Take what works for you and leave what doesn’t. Nobody is going to check every box and nobody is perfect. You have to go into that meeting already knowing what you can live with and what you absolutely cannot.

Because if you don’t know that going in, love and attraction will override your rational mind and you will make a decision you will regret. Decide what your non negotiables are before you ever sit down across from her. That clarity is what protects you.