You see it all over the internet. The number one thing Muslim Men are complaining about is that more and more Muslim Women are engaging in pre-marital sexual encounters or hook ups, and not being virgins on wedding day.

Now, I don't want others to think that I'm OK with this or condoning, I'm only offering a different perspective. Maybe a perspective that you won't appreciate or like, but still it's something we need to think about, while holding ourselves accountable as Men do.

Firstly, why are they doing this? How could they, right!?!? Muslim men ask themselves this question while at the same time some of them are in the club and hooking up with random girls. Double standard? Yes, totally. If you are expecting a virgin on your wedding night, you should also be pure. Why are there different rules from men and women in this subject? This is not from the teaching of our prophet ﷺ

Secondly, and here is where I offer my opinion. Muslim women are tired of waiting for men to get their act together. They are finding masculine men even with non-Muslim men. It happens, I read about it all the time. Their logic might not be the rule, but it's definitely a HUGE and widespread exception.

Here's the question. In your opinion, would most of these Muslim women be doing this if there were more men improving themselves and being more active husbands and father's? Would these women in question be doing this is there were more qualified men available to them? Allahu Alim.

As for me, I like to think that if more men would invest themselves with the four quadrants of life, physical, spiritual, intellectual, and financial, we wouldn't be having this problem on the level it is today.

We men want to be the leaders of women and demand respect while not being worthy of respect. A man leads, this is how it has always been and always will be. But if a woman thinks that you are not worthy of following because you are falling short as a man in responsibility, there will be a constant power struggle and the fights will never end.

In closing, a man leads. A man sets the tempo. a man shows his family or potential wife that he is worthy. This happens only when you commit to yourself as a man. Excuses? forget about it. Events in your life hold you back? You just defeated yourself. As men we fix things in life to feel useful. Let the first and most valuable thing you fix be, YOU.

I'd like to share my experiences when I got divorced

After the normal shock, self judgement, and overall sadness that comes with it. I went through all the emotions. Relief that it was over. Sadness cause of what we had lost. Anger, which I think is ego related. Add to that, a touch of doubt in myself if I was even a good enough man and husband.

Yeah I went through the blame game. I think we all do that. If she wouldn't have blah blah blah. She was so blah blah and that's why we blah blah. I went through the thoughts of, wow, I've been divorced a couple times now, is my life over? Will anyone even consider me as a worthy man to marry? Man, I went through it

Let me save you the time and pain...

I finally go to the point where I said, Ok Ali, enough, STOP!

I grabbed a notebook and a pen, sat down at my dining room table, and wrote out all of the things I fell short in the marriage. I wrote down all the mistakes I made. I examined MYSELF and wrote it down. Why should I spend time looking at her mistakes when she is gone and I can't change her? Man, it's done, it's over! But I CAN change me

I have to admit, I looked at the list of my shortcomings and what I should have done better in my marriage, and felt embarrassed. No wonder she had enough of me, it was clear. I wouldn't have wanted to stay with me either. Long story short, I had a lot of work to do

So I got to work and stayed away from some key things as well that some men fall in to.

1. Looking for that rebound girl, whether it was a haram relationship, or just rolling into other marriage quickly before fixing my inconsistencies and shortcomings. If you feel hurt, less than a man, or have trauma lingering from your divorce, childhood, or parents, you have no right to even look for a wife

2. Turn to substances. Yes, we are Muslims, but we are also humans that sin, so we have to have this conversation. Whether it weed, alcohol, or prescription meds, this is obviously a temporary feeling. It does the opposite of what a man needs at this time, CLARITY, FOCUS, REFLECTION

3. Porn. Porn is a matter of the heart. It is also a matter of making a man "feel" relieved as he gets that dopamine shot. But as time goes on, it can warp his mentality of healthy sex and also lead to erectile disfunction. Don't be shy even as a Muslim to have this problem, many do. Join the Porn addiction space and get on the road to recovery

​Things to definitely do

1. Get in the gym. A great way to get in shape and get that substitute dopamine dose that you get from porn, is to get active in the gym or in a sport. Guys, our bodies were made to move, so move it. The word here is, CONSISTENCY. Usually when you hear the Rocky theme song, you are about to fail and burn out. If you are not accustomed to working out or exercise, then start by walking 15 minutes. Do 5 push ups. You get my point, do anything but nothing. 

2. Hang out with good friends. Emphasis on GOOD FRIENDS. Why hang out with men that aren't on a mission of improvement in all the quadrants of life? Be with people that are smarter, wiser, and stronger than you. Get OUT of your house and IN to your life. No, your life isn't over. This one really helped me out as I totally went into cave mode the first two weeks. It sucked...

3. Network with everyone. I cant stress this enough. Men are not talkers, I know. But we have to be. There is so much to learn from people out there. Go out of your way a little more. Talk to the guy in the Masjid sitting in the corner and ask about his life and what he is doing with it

4. Intellectual/Spiritual mission. This should be an everyday thing. Personally, whenever Allah has given me a test in life, if I just focus on the pain of the test and not the wisdom of the test, Allah just gives me the same test later in life until I STOP and reflect on the wisdom. Get closer to Allah. Commuting to work? Let that commute time be a time of a valuable podcast to learn from. A time to listen to a video on how to build shelving in your house or whatever. If Allah swears by time in the Quran, then why do we waste it so much?

5. Forgive yourself and others. Divorce for me was embarrassing. I was embarrassed by how I conducted myself and how it all ended. I had to forgive myself, forgive others, and fix myself. Life isn't over. We made our mistakes, and must now fix them to be the best man, father, and husbands we can be

After about 3 months, I began to like who I was again after not liking who I was for many years. Slowly, I began to realize that I still had value as a man, father, and future husband. It's a process, a slow process, but a process we all need after divorce or separation

The main thing divorce made me think about is preparation of marriage. I see it all the time. What should I look for in a man/woman? When should I get married? What red flags should I look for in a man/woman? Well, you might be the red flag yourself. Instead of asking what you should look for and when you should get married. You should first ask, am I worthy of marriage? Do I understand what it to be married? Emotionally, financially, physically, legally, ect.

We spend so much time worrying about other people instead of worrying about ourselves and what WE can offer in marriage. If I asked any of you, Do you want a low value woman or a high value woman? Everyone will say, high value, right? Well here's the thing, You have to be a high value man to attract a high value woman. This is why it's so important to work on ourselves FIRST

​I wish you all the best on your recovery and new life that is sure to be great!

Surely, most of us have read the stories of the prophet ﷺ and the companions around him. I have a question. Which one of them was mediocre in their life? Which one of them was satisfied with doing the bare minimum in every aspect of their lives? Pause for a moment and just contemplate this one thing. All of them were the epitome of what it is to be warrior monks. I want you to please stay with me and read the entire thing as I am coming to a very important point Have you ever played a video game? Probably you have. Can you imagine playing level one for years with no interest in trying level two? How boring would that be? You’re probably thinking right now, no way, because I have to get better guns and better armor and get to that next level. I need to progress so I can get to the end of the game!

OK, then here’s another question

Why aren’t you doing the same thing in real life? Why are you playing at level one and not trying to better yourself? How can you think of yourself as a productive man, husband, and father, if you are only playing at level one?

Could this be a reason why your wife is disappointed in you? Because you have quit at level one and don’t have the courage enough to go to level two?

Is this why your children don’t look up to you and idolize other men? Could this be the reason why nobody is interested in you to be their husband? You get the point by now, right? So what are you going to do about it?

Where is it written that a man has to live and operate on the level of mediocrity? Please show me. My brother, be honest with yourself. What is holding you back?

Fear? Procrastination? Laziness?

All three of these are mortal enemies of a man’s growth as a man, husband, and a father. This is the whole reason why we formulate battle plans. We identify where we fall short, and then we act with a primary tactic to combat our shortcomings.

Man, father, husband

These are all titles that every man must prove or work on a daily basis. The scars on an Alpha lions face are a testament that he had to work and struggle and fight every single day to stay on top. Rise to the occasion. Declare war on yourself.